“Can you get love without giving sex?”

You have done everything for this guy: cooked for him, written love notes, listened to him, you even broke your rule not to let him touch you in certain zones. The only thing you haven’t done is “the real deal”. You told him from the start that there would be no sex and he agreed. He said he loved you enough to wait for you. So why is he so distant now? Why is he pushing you away? Worse, why is he hanging around that girl? The one with the reputation for giving it up quickly. You are confused. Doesn’t he love you?

You decide that it is time for a frank talk and he says he loves you but cannot be with you unless you give him sex. He says it is the only way through which you can show that you love him. Now you are confused.

You begin to wonder if you will ever find this love that you crave so much? This is your fifth relationship and each one ends the same way. The guy starts to avoid you and won’t listen to your pleas. Sound familiar?

Here is the problem. When a young man sees you and wants to be “friends”, the truth is, he has mentally undressed you and imagined how you’d sound as you climax. While this might not be true for all young men, it is true for most. Most guys are very sensual and their attraction to you isn’t really about your disposition or your virtue. This doesn’t make them bad, it is just the way they are wired. (Guys, is this true or false?)

Once you have taken this into consideration, you will realize that your expectations were a little off the mark. Please note that not all guys are after sex alone. All healthy guys want it, but some might want more than sex. This brings me back to your reason for abstaining from sex. If your reason is strong enough, you might want to wait to date, only when you are ready for marriage. Another alternative is to date people with strong religious convictions- this is assuming that your reason is a religious one. This way, you share religious values with the person you are dating and this can take a lot of the pressure off.

So to answer the question, yes you can find love without having to give sex. Don’t expect it to be easy though. Nothing good comes easy. Just be strong in your resolve. The results are worth the trouble.




Y’all have to read this.


Here we go again

Tuesday is a day I believe has some supernatural powers, my reason is simple: Yorubas call it Ojo Isegun – the day of victory. Am I being superstitious? That’s your cuppa! Anyway, you can imagine my joy when I received a text on Monday, asking me to come for an interview, the next day, at a company at Aswani Industrial Layout. I instantly believed the day has come for me to conquer the monster of unemployment.

Interview time was noon, there was no need to rush, so I made sure I had enough sleep. I woke up at 9am. Then I went about my day, I had ironed and polished my shoe the night before. I wasn’t going to allow one DISCO’s play with electricity affect me. I got out of bed, said my prayers and started playing Sister Nkechi Onuegwu’s Yoruba Praise & Worship songs…

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…In dependence

Purple Ink Expressions

No Ballad

My lips and ears refrain

No orchestra, no words

I just want to do, be something

Not useless. Not ‘a vegetable’

Not Salad


At fifty three

Old and young

But stroke stricken

This is my country

Constantly failing freedom

As far as its eyes can see


There is no liberty in colours

They lie, we lie

We lie on abundance

And rise impoverished

You all know this gospel

Go spread the word in beer parlours


Now, this is the verse

The one of hope

The one of appreciation even in gloom

Let it tell that I believe in tomorrow

while today mourns

Conveying yesterday in a hearse


We no longer smile as we die

Jet black hair over Greys

The young die

No sniffs of centenaries

Not while people sleep to wake no more

Mothers over infants cry


No Ballad

None to play for…

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This could be fact, it could be fiction. Let’s just say faction. A view from this bloggist’s life.

Like some of you already know, my name is Hounge. What most of you don’t know is that I graduated one of the best in my class, but all that is history, let me not bore you with it. Well, I’m very much jobless and I may not be actively looking for a job, maybe because I’m frustrated.

Anyway, we’ll revisit my state of mind at a later date. For now, let’s concentrate on my life as a jobless dude, squatting with 4 other friends in a room, in a face-me-I-slap-you, in the heart of Ojota.

My roomies are: Teju the law (a charge and bail lawyer, quite intelligent), Chika (omo Igbo to gb’owe Yooba), Sola the floater and Otega (Ortega, Oghenetega,Tega, the militant, he’s from Delta, so what tha heck!). We…

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Despite being the boss, his rugged, “hands on” exterior leaves one with the impression that he would be only too willing to work alongside his employees, doing manual tasks, if the situation demands. This is the impression I got of the C.E.O, Yakoyo.com, when I visited his fully equipped kitchen in the heart of Mushin, Lagos.

Please tell us a little about Yakoyo.com.

Yokoyo.com as the name implies, is a food services company which started as far back as 2003. We do outdoor catering for weddings, Birthday parties, Burial ceremonies, basically all types of events. We cook local dishes, Chinese dishes, small chops, food…we cook food.

Do you cook?

Oh yes. I have always been passionate about food. I learned to cook when I was a kid. My mother never believed it was necessary to have domestic staff. She preferred to put her own children to work. I had to learn to go to the market, cook and clean. I actually love to cook. I enjoy it.

Do you have any kind of formal training in cooking?

Yes I do. After I completed my first degree at the Obafemi Awolowo University, where I had studied Engineering, I relocated to the UK where I worked as a cook at a Chinese Restaurant. When I returned home, I studied under Funmi Adeoye at Avery Cooking school.

So why did you leave your employment abroad to return home and brave entrepreneurship?

I am a born entrepreneur. Even as far back as year 2000, I was running my own dry-cleaning business, “Alagbafo” at the Obafemi Awolowo University. I had a washing machine and a couple of boys working with me. It was a successful business and it worked well for me during my school days. Also, I’ve watched family and friends and I noticed that the entrepreneurs usually have it rough at the beginning, but over time, they reach a phase where they are more relaxed and where their lives are calm and paced. On the other hand, I noticed that the employees keep on moving from job to job trying to get better pay even till they are almost due for retirement. Most of all, I assume I was inspired by my father. He has always been an entrepreneur.

You spoke of a rough phase. Have you experienced yours? What is it like?

Yes I have. I have had periods where I wasn’t making profit. There have also been times when it was difficult to pay salaries. Just challenges really.

Can you enlighten us on the challenges that you have faced in this type of business?

As the visionary, there is a certain standard that you are trying to maintain. Finding people who will run with your vision is another issue. Despite training staff, some will still tell you that they prefer to do things the way they were doing them where they came from.

Initially, Yakoyo.com was doing daily food distribution to offices. We had to stop that arm of the business because of stiff competition from unskilled people who sell at cheaper prices. There is Iya Basirat who sells “Dundun” down the street, the cleaner who brings food to sell to the staff, etc.

Also. There are fluctuations in market prices. Tomatoes that sold for a hundred Naira last month could be selling for four hundred Naira this month. This is not an ideal situation for business to thrive.

Dubious customers also pay an advance and look for reasons not to pay the balance.

How has the government helped to cope with some of these challenges that you have mentioned?

The government hasn’t helped much because an entrepreneur needs funding, there is no government funding. Every business needs power. Food business especially as we deal with perishables. It also makes more sense to buy in bulk and store food items. How does one do this when there is no power? Also, there is no water and transportation is difficult.

Even adverts are difficult because of the state governments hassles. Even putting a small sign on your car, advertising your business, attracts stress from the assortment of officials that we have in the state.

Since help doesn’t seem to be coming by way of the government, how do you think we can help ourselves?

People who have money should invest in the dreams of other people. It is really simple. Find someone who has a workable idea, fund the business and take a share of the profits. That is money working for you. In fact it could be a short term thing where the investor puts in the funds and get the profit until the business owner is able to earn enough to buy his shares back from the investor., Either way, it is a win win situation.

What advice would you give someone who wants to quit his job in order to start a small business such as this one?

I wouldn’t advice the person to quit his job before starting the business. I would advice him to start the business alongside his job. When he has started making money, he can quit and face the business full-time.

This might be discouraging for some aspiring entrepreneurs.

If one is easily discouraged, he has no business being an entrepreneur. Entrepreneurship takes faith. It takes faith to step out everyday knowing that your success or failure is solely a function of God’s grace and mercy. Why I propose that the aspiring entrepreneur keeps his job is so that he treads carefully. He should also get a mentor and do a thorough feasibility study of the business he intends to go into.

There is a lot of noise about mentorship. Would you say it is absolutely necessary?

I can only speak based on what I have experienced and I will be the first to say that mentorship is extremely important. I met my mentor through the mentorship programme at fate foundation. Yes.. I took an entrepreneurship course there as well. My mentor shows me the real situation of things in our environment. There is the textbook knowledge and there is the real life situation. The mentor gives one the real life situation. A good mentor also studies you and tells you your strengths and weakness. My mentor has also opened doors for me and opened doors into places I wouldn’t have been able to enter on my own. He even gives me jobs from time to time.

So if you had the opportunity to choose again, would you choose entrepreneurship again?

Yes. Most definitely. I see it as a gift. A sort of calling for me. Besides that, Entrepreneurship is the way. There are no jobs. It only makes sense to take the bull by the horns and create jobs in the process.



The Versatile Blogger Award


Thank you very much Shakara Natural Tips, for nominating Brownieowolabi for the Versatile Blogger Award. It feels wonderful to be appreciated by an awesome blogger such as yourself.

The RULES are as follows:

· Thank the Blogger who nominated you.
· Share seven random facts about yourself
· Nominate fifteen fellow bloggers that you recently discovered or follow regularly
· Inform each nominated blogger of their nomination by posting a comment on each of their blogs
· Add the Versatile Award blogger to your post

Seven random facts about Brownie


1. I was born and raised in Lagos, Nigeria.
2. I speak English, French and Yoruba.
3. I love to cook up a storm.
4. Favourite food is Pounded Yam and Egusi soup. I don’t have it often enough.
5. I’ve got golden locks.
6. I love to travel. I don’t do that often enough either.
7. I love a great party. Dancing is fun! You should try it sometime.

The nominees are:


Thanks again. God bless.