“Can you get love without giving sex?”

You have done everything for this guy: cooked for him, written love notes, listened to him, you even broke your rule not to let him touch you in certain zones. The only thing you haven’t done is “the real deal”. You told him from the start that there would be no sex and he agreed. He said he loved you enough to wait for you. So why is he so distant now? Why is he pushing you away? Worse, why is he hanging around that girl? The one with the reputation for giving it up quickly. You are confused. Doesn’t he love you?

You decide that it is time for a frank talk and he says he loves you but cannot be with you unless you give him sex. He says it is the only way through which you can show that you love him. Now you are confused.

You begin to wonder if you will ever find this love that you crave so much? This is your fifth relationship and each one ends the same way. The guy starts to avoid you and won’t listen to your pleas. Sound familiar?

Here is the problem. When a young man sees you and wants to be “friends”, the truth is, he has mentally undressed you and imagined how you’d sound as you climax. While this might not be true for all young men, it is true for most. Most guys are very sensual and their attraction to you isn’t really about your disposition or your virtue. This doesn’t make them bad, it is just the way they are wired. (Guys, is this true or false?)

Once you have taken this into consideration, you will realize that your expectations were a little off the mark. Please note that not all guys are after sex alone. All healthy guys want it, but some might want more than sex. This brings me back to your reason for abstaining from sex. If your reason is strong enough, you might want to wait to date, only when you are ready for marriage. Another alternative is to date people with strong religious convictions- this is assuming that your reason is a religious one. This way, you share religious values with the person you are dating and this can take a lot of the pressure off.

So to answer the question, yes you can find love without having to give sex. Don’t expect it to be easy though. Nothing good comes easy. Just be strong in your resolve. The results are worth the trouble.

Love,

Brownie.

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